Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
