Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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