Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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