after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
