Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
