haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
