I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
