just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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