and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
This is my gift to your gina
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
