guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
