just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
