You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
