a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My bed smells like the plague
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
