We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
