How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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