i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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