It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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