As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
