I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
