In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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