i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
