living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
