We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
