I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
