How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize