What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
