and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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