I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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