Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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