Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
