take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
