we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
