rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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