idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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