Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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