I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
