lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
