i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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