and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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