Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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