Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
