Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
