She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
