White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize