I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
