Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
