I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
