clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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