Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize