He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
