there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Buhtt sex?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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