Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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