Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
