My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
