Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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