I'll bet she douches with gravy.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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