We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
