There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
