it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
