please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
