How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
